THE KIDS CIRCLE
DIVORCE
When people decide to live together and have kids, they hope they will be together forever. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way. Life can get pretty complicated. Sometimes, problems come up — not just the little everyday problems like who is going to take out the garbage, but big problems that parents just can't seem to solve, no matter how hard they try. Parents separate when they can't solve their problems, and they decide they can't live together anymore. Some married parents who separate decide to get a divorce, because they no longer want to be married. The most important thing to remember is that parents split up because of problems in their relationship. You are not the reason why they are separating. You are not to blame
HOW IT MIGHT FEEL
It is never easy to see your parents splitting up. In fact, it may be the hardest thing you have had to deal with. When your parents split up, it's absolutely normal to experience some very strong emotions. You might have only one emotion for a while, or move quickly from one to another, or you might even have a whole lot of different feelings all at once.
COMMON ISSUES
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anger, resentment, confusion, fear, shame, anxiety, depression, lack of motivation
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embarrassment / strong need for privacy / need to project an image of their family as "normal"
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responsibility for taking care of younger siblings as your parents figure out things
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anger at either or both parents
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concern for your well-being
What can you do?
If you feel there is abuse involved, look at the Domestic Abuse section.
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Remember that your parents may be upset or distracted that they may forget things. If there are things you need, ask. It is OK to remind them.
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Talk about your feelings. It will make you feel better.
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So you may have to be a bit more organized until things settle down. Look at the moving forward section for more information.
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If you are concerned about something, speak up. For example, if you feel caught in the middle of your parents' problems, say so.
RESOURCES
PEOPLE
There are lots of people around you who can help you cope with your parents splitting up. Sometimes, just talking to a friend can help a lot, especially if his or her parents have also split up.
You can also talk to an adult you trust, like:
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A relative (an aunt or uncle, or your grandmother or grandfather)
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Your teacher
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Your school counsellor
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Someone at your place of worship
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Your family doctor.
These people can help by:
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Just listening
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Helping you to put things in perspective
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Suggesting things you can do to make things better
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Connecting you with other people who can help.
BOOKS
Now What Do I Do?: A Guide to Help Teenagers with Their Parents' Separation or Divorce by Lynn Cassella-Kapusinski
Divorce Is Not the End of the World : Zoe's And Evan's Coping Guide for Kids by Sue Ellen Stern
Divorce Helpbook for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor