THE KIDS CIRCLE
DOMESTIC ABUSE
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
Domestic Abuse is when someone in your family hurts you or others in your family. It can include physical, sexual or emotional abuse. It can also include neglect: not making sure you are safe and healthy. Victims may experience more than one type of abuse.
If you want to know more about what to do when someone in your family is hurting you or others in your family, this website can help you. This website may also be helpful if you are worrying about a friend being hurt at home. Here we talk about the different ways people can be hurt by family members and what kind of help is available. This is too big a problem for you to solve alone.
WHEN IS DOMESTIC ABUSE AGAINST THE LAW?
Domestic abuse usually means someone in a family is abusing someone else in the family. Some kinds of abuse, like physical abuse, are crimes. Sexual abuse is also a crime. So are some kinds of emotional or psychological abuse, financial abuse and neglect.
Crimes are against the law, even if they take place in a family. If this is happening to you or someone you know, you’ll need to get help right away.
WHEN IS DOMESTIC ABUSE NOT A CRIME?
Examples of abuse that may not be crimes, but are still wrong:
humiliating you
insulting you
ignoring you
screaming at you
calling you names
isolating you from your friends and family
Even if a person’s actions are not against the law, it’s still wrong if you are being hurt. You can find help. No one has the right to do hurtful things to family members. There are people who can help you and help make your situation better.
WHAT YOU MAY BE FEELING OR EXPERIENCING
Fighting hurts and listening to a fight hurts, too. Even though the fights have nothing to do with you, you may feel responsible when your parents start arguing. It is normal to wish that your parents wouldn’t fight and to feel guilty, sad, and angry when they do.
Sometimes, you may try or want to try to stop parents from fighting. You may try to get one of them to apologize. Or, try to step into the middle of the fight to break it up. However, it’s important to watch out for your own safety. Leave the room and go somewhere safe.
Sometimes you may question if what you are experiencing or witnessing is abuse. This is because the abusers could be manipulative. When they are confronted they can explain their behavior as "this is normal or this is expected". This may leave you confused.
If the parent who is experiencing abuse decides to leave, it opens up another set of issues or concerns. While it may be a relief that the abuser no longer is in the same house, you may still worry for your safety as you are afraid that the abusive parent may take "revenge".
PLAN
Always remember to Call 911 in an emergency
When you are in a dangerous or unsafe situation, it is hard to make decisions or process information. So it is always good to have a plan ahead. Look below for some of the things you want on your plan. Remember to keep this plan in a safe place where you can get it if you need it. It’s a good idea to get help making a safety plan from a trusted adult or information helpline. Your plan should have:
Phone number of the local police
List of People you can call for help and their phone numbers
List of places for that you can go to
Name, phone number and address of someone you can trust and can talk to and an agreed on the code word in case you need help. ( You should provide this person your address and phone number and discuss if they can call help for you).
List of things to take with you if you can ( like medicines, cash, clothing, ID). Note: In an emergency don’t worry about these. First priority is just to get to safety.
WHO TO TURN TO
GETTING HELP AT SCHOOL
If you don’t think anyone is in immediate danger, you may want to speak to an adult you can trust to help end the violence, like one of your teachers. Although you may not have heard them talk about it, most teachers, principals and school counsellors have a lot of experience helping young people who live with violence at home. They will likely know about help available in your community and things you can do to keep safe. If you do tell a teacher, they won’t judge you or think less of you. Instead, they’ll want to make sure that you’re OK. To do this, depending on the circumstances, they may have to talk to other people about what’s happening to get you the right kind of help. You can help them by telling them what other people they can talk to and who you think they shouldn’t talk to. If they’re aware of physical or sexual abuse or feel your life is in danger, the law requires them to call the appropriate worker so they can help you.
WORKERS WHO CAN HELP YOU
If a social worker is called, it will likely be someone very experienced in working with families with problems like violence. It’s important to tell the social worker everything about what’s going on at home and about how you’re feeling so that they can do their best to help you. Sometimes this means they’ll also have to talk to your parents or to other adults. A social worker will try to make sure that you’re safe. You may already know a child protection worker or social worker who’s been working with your family. Their main goal is for children and teens to be happy, healthy and safe. They will know a lot about what type of help and programs are available in your community. Check out the following websites to learn about child protection services in your province or territory.
ORGANIZATIONS WHO WILL HELP
There are many organizations that provide services to young people. Youth Groups. Boys and Girls Clubs. The YMCA/YWCA. Local community centres. United Way agencies. There are people working in these organizations who are trained to help and are sensitive to what youth need. They provide a safe place to talk about what’s happening to you. If you or someone you know is in urgent need of a safe place to stay or need some advice about where to stay, you can call an emergency shelter. Shelters are run by community groups. The beginning of the phone book usually has the phone numbers needed for emergency situations and the yellow pages may have useful listings under “Distress Centres”, “Social Services” or “Youth Protection”. Also, many local agencies have websites with contact information.
FAMILY
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to any of these people, try talking to another family member who you think will understand and be able to help you. Or you may want to talk to a friend or your friend’s parents, or a neighbor or coach who knows you and who you can trust. Talking helps. It often makes things clearer. Tell them what’s going on in your home and your feelings about it. They’ll listen and maybe give you some ideas about what you can do. If they’re really worried, they may want to tell someone else to get you the right help. You can let them know who you think they can talk to. Sometimes, though, they don’t know what to say or do, but you’ll likely find that just saying something out loud is a relief. If the person you decide to speak to doesn’t give you the help you are looking for, try talking to someone else. Whatever happens, it’s important that you work together with the person you choose. You want that person to be able to help you make sure you or the family member you are concerned about is safe.