Tips and Help

Divorce, separation or abuse are very difficult to handle, even for adults. These turbulent times leave you drained, anxious or afraid. You may feel things are not in your control and you may not have the motivation to keep going.

Here are some tips on how to navigate through various aspects of your life during these trying times. It can be hard, but it isn't impossible, and we are here to help.

Doing well at School

When going through these situations it is very easy to begin feeling overwhelmed. This is because you may be uncertain about the future and the worry and anxiety may start to distract you. You can lose focus. School can start to feel like an added, unnecessary stress in the moment. School and classes may feel harder than before. But it is important to understand that school is important and if you fall behind it may stack up quickly. Here are few ways you can cope:

Counselors and Teachers

First, you should reach out to others. At school, you can talk to your counselor or a favorite teacher. While it may feel hard to share your personal life, never underestimate how much that can take off your shoulders. Just saying the things out loud and having someone validate your feelings and being supportive will make you feel much better.

Ask for Help

Second, start to ask others for help with school work. It may be hard at first, but once you see how much easier school gets, you will never regret it. Ask others for help with school work when you don’t understand what's going on, especially friends. They are frequently able to explain concepts better because they think like you. You should also go to teachers, and they are definitely the most trusted source. If you aren’t confident with your knowledge on a subject just ask them for help. I have always found my teachers very supportive, kind and helpful.

Lighten the load

Make sure to not overload yourself. It can be easy to do too many hard courses in school and do dozens of time consuming extracurriculars because you think you can do it. That isn’t the case, especially now. It is important to understand that you really don’t need to do so many things, and you aren’t worse for doing less. Also, you won’t do well in all of those activities if you have so many other commitments. If you have a very high workload, just drop an activity, or take a hard class off your schedule. It can be too mentally draining to do so much all at the same time.

Positive Mindset

While it is hard, try to keep a positive mindset. If you don’t have a positive mindset, all of this will feel much harder. It is very hard to keep a positive mindset, especially when going through tough times like these, but if you just see it as another obstacle to overcome and try to keep your mind open, you will be able to get through this while still succeeding. This is also a good time to keep talking with friends, they are your strongest supporters and will always help you feel better.

Feeling Better

There are lots of things you can do to make yourself feel better.

The most important one is to keep doing the things you like to do. Try to keep up with your regular activities. See your friends and make sure you don't isolate yourself. Read books. Listen to music. Play with your pet if you have one. Take long walks. Try to keep yourself busy doing fun and interesting things as you deal with your changing family situation.

Make sure that you take time for yourself every day! When life gets stressful, it's easy to forget to do things for yourself, even though times of stress are when you most need time for yourself.

Here are some other suggestions:

Talk about it

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to talk. Talking about your feelings — not just once, but often — almost always makes you feel better. It releases tension, and can help you put things into perspective, so they don't feel so overwhelming.

Tell your parents how you feel. If they are too upset to be helpful, try again another time. Talk to someone else in the meantime.
If you have brothers or sisters, talk to them. Since they're going through the same thing you are, they'll probably understand how you are feeling.
Talk to a close friend, especially someone who has gone through a similar situation.
Talk to a relative, like an aunt or uncle, or another adult you know and trust, like the parent of a close friend.
Sometimes talking to someone who doesn't know your family very well — like a teacher or school counsellor — can be very useful, because they can be objective.

Write about it

Try writing about your feelings in a journal or diary. You can write as often as you want, and say whatever you want to say. Over time, you will be able to see the progress you are making as you adjust to the changes and face the challenges.

It's OK to cry

Crying can make you feel better, because it lets the feelings out, instead of keeping them bottled up inside. But don't worry: if you don't feel like crying, that's OK too.

Exercise

Get active! Exercise is an excellent way to let off steam. And being fit physically may help you feel good emotionally.

Walk, run, or bike. Go skating or swimming.
Play basketball, soccer, baseball, hockey, or another game you like.

Do something creative

Write a story, or poetry.
Write a song.
Draw, sculpt, or paint.
Dance!

Think positively

Things will get better! At first, it’s hard when your parents separate, but you will get through it. Others survive, and you will too. You might even find that there are ways in which your life is better than it was before.

Taking Care of Yourself

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to get used to big changes in your life.

And give yourself a break. Take time for yourself: see your friends, do the things you like to do, get lots of exercise, read a book, play an instrument. This doesn't mean you should run away from your problems, or stop spending time at home. It just means taking about an hour for yourself every day to have fun. Taking care of yourself this way will make it easier for you to cope with what's happening in your family and to get on with your life!